happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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