I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
