If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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