So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
