i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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