he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
