So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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