last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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