Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
