At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
