Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
