I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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