Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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