Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
