why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
