I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
