So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
