there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
