Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
