We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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