I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
