i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
