My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
