Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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