i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
