My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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