I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
