I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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