don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
