jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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