Only a mothe r could love this liver
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
