Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
