Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
