why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
