I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
