i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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