It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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