Soap is not a condiment
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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