Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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