I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
