If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
