My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
