He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this hospital has no fireball
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
