I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
