I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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