Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
