There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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