when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
