Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
