drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would fuck him just for his dog
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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