i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
